Radioactive Man

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. You don’t win friends with salad. Thank you, steal again. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Ahoy hoy? Please do not offer my god a peanut.

Rosebud

Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! I hope I didn’t brain my damage. We started out... Read more »


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Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!


Makes Ben Hur look like an Epic!

Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, we did do the nose. Shh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to Camelot! It’s only a model.

Sir Lancelot

Bring her forward! The nose? Burn her! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is... Read more »


Lost Boys

I’m really more an apartment person. Hello, Dexter Morgan. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen.

Let’s Give the Boy a Hand

I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals. Watching ice melt. This is fun. Like a sloth. I can do that.

Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. I’m a sociopath; there’s not much he can do... Read more »

Beauty and the Beast

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I’m a sociopath; there’s not much he can do for me. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen.

Dex, Lies, and Videotape

... Read more »

Amy’s Choice

I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!

The Next Doctor

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. Did I mention... Read more »


Afternoon delight

I’m a monster. As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. I’m afraid I just blue myself. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Mr. F

Whoa, this guy’s straight? Well, what do you expect, mother? I’ve opened a door here that I... Read more »


That’s Lobstertainment

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers? No, I’m Santa Claus! Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? …To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? …To shreds, you say. Check it out, y’all. Everyone who was invited... Read more »


Rebirth

Rebirth

Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun! And yet you haven’t said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you? This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.

Less Than Hero

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. But I’ve never been to the moon! As an interesting side note, as a head without... Read more »